Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness? In the quest for clear and effective communication, the battle against wordiness is one we all face.
Whether drafting an email, composing an article, or simply sending a message, the tendency to overcomplicate our sentences is a common pitfall.
So, in this article, we will be answering the question, ‘Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?’ But we will not stop there. We will also talk about some common causes of this and how you can prevent them altogether. So, just keep reading!
Table of Contents
Which Sentence Should Be Revised to Reduce Wordiness
- People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.
- Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.
- People don’t often consider how thoroughly their activities are monitored and recorded.
- People live with a general expectation of privacy, but in reality, their daily actions are being monitored and recorded by various devices.
Looking at the options here, the correct answer is B: Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses. Let’s explain why that is so.
Explanation
This sentence is more wordy than necessary and can be made more concise without losing its meaning. The phrase “is to be expected as necessary in order to provide” could be simplified to “is necessary for” or “provides.”
Apart from that, the repetition of “businesses” at the beginning and end of the sentence is redundant. A revised version of the sentence could be:
“Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in banks and retail stores, is necessary for security.”
This revision maintains the original meaning of the sentence while reducing redundancy and simplifying the language.
What’s Wordiness and Common Reasons Behind It
Now that we know the answer to the question, ‘Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?’ Now, let’s take a closer look at what wordiness is and some factors that usually cause it.
In simple a term, wordiness refers to the use of more words than necessary to convey a message or idea. It’s a common issue in writing that can make texts difficult to read and understand, often leading to confusion or loss of interest among readers.
The reasons behind wordiness are varied, but they typically stem from a few common sources. Let’s take a quick look at them.
- Lack of confidence: Writers sometimes believe that using more words will make their message appear more authoritative or thorough. This can lead to over-explaining concepts that could be presented more succinctly.
- Poor structure: Without a clear plan, writing can become disjointed. This lack of organization often results in the repetition of ideas or the inclusion of irrelevant information.
- Fear of being too direct: In an effort to sound polite or formal, writers might use indirect language, adding unnecessary words and phrases that dilute the message’s clarity.
- Habitual verbosity: Some individuals naturally tend toward verbose expression, either because of their background, education, or personal style. Breaking this habit requires conscious effort and practice.
- Complexity of the subject matter: When dealing with complex topics, there’s a tendency to use jargon or long-winded explanations. While detail is necessary, it’s important to balance it with readability.
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How Do You Cut Down Wordiness?
Cutting down wordiness is very important for enhancing the clarity and effectiveness of your writing. If you have been struggling with having too many words in your writing, you can do something about it right away. Here are some practical strategies to achieve more concise writing:
Identify and eliminate filler words: Words like “very,” “that,” “just,” “really,” and “quite” often add little to no value to a sentence. Removing them can make your statements more direct and powerful.
Use active voice: Passive voice constructions tend to be wordier than their active voice counterparts. By making the subject perform the action, you can often make sentences shorter and more dynamic.
Avoid redundancy: Watch out for phrases where two words are used to say the same thing, such as “advance planning” or “end result.” Usually, one word is okay.
Replace phrases with words: Many phrases can be replaced with a single word without losing meaning. For example, “due to the fact that” can be replaced with “because,” and “in the event of” can be simplified to “if.”
Limit the use of adverbs: Adverbs (words that typically end in “-ly”) can often be eliminated or replaced with more precise verbs. Instead of saying “ran quickly,” consider “sprinted.”
Prune unnecessary qualifiers: Words like “somewhat,” “kind of,” and “possibly” weaken your prose. Unless these qualifiers are essential for your meaning, removing them can make your writing more assertive.
Break long sentences into shorter ones: Long, complex sentences can often be divided into simpler, standalone sentences. This not only reduces wordiness but also improves readability.
Read aloud: Reading your work aloud can help you catch wordy sentences and awkward phrasing that you might not notice when reading silently.
Seek feedback: Sometimes, it’s hard to spot wordiness in your own writing. Getting feedback from others can provide fresh perspectives on where you can trim the fat.
Practice rewriting: Regularly challenge yourself to rewrite sentences or paragraphs to convey the same message in fewer words. This exercise can sharpen your editing skills and help you become more concise.
What Effect Can Wordiness Have on My Writing?
Wordiness can significantly dilute the impact of your writing, making it harder for readers to grasp your main points and maintain interest. Overly verbose sentences can lead to confusion, obscure your message, and make your text appear unprofessional or under-edited.
When your writing is cluttered with unnecessary words, it requires more effort from your readers to understand the intended meaning, potentially causing them to disengage altogether.
But when you make an effort to streamline your prose, you ensure that your ideas are conveyed clearly, enhancing readability and keeping your audience engaged from start to finish.
What is an Example of Wordiness in a Sentence?
An example of wordiness in a sentence is:
“Due to the fact that the committee is of the opinion that the current policy is in need of a comprehensive review, it has made the decision to convene a series of meetings to discuss potential revisions.”
This sentence is wordy and can be made more concise without losing its original meaning. If we are to revise this statement, we can just cut things down to:
“The committee believes the current policy needs a thorough review, so it has decided to hold meetings to discuss potential revisions.”
The revised sentence conveys the same information in a clearer, more direct manner, eliminating unnecessary phrases and simplifying the message.
What is an Unclear Sentence?
An unclear sentence is one that lacks specificity, contains ambiguous terms, or is structured in a way that makes its meaning difficult to understand.
These sentences often leave readers confused about the writer’s intent, the subjects being discussed, or the actions that are being described.
Unclear sentences can result from a variety of issues, including vague language, overly complex construction, misplaced modifiers, or the use of pronouns without clear antecedents.
Examples of Unclear Sentences
Vague Language:
- Unclear: “The government took action.”
- Clearer: “The government passed a law to reduce emissions.”
Overly Complex Construction:
- Unclear: “Having been thrown in the air, whirling around as it went, the frisbee, which was blue and had a logo on it, was caught by the dog.”
- Clearer: “The dog caught the blue frisbee with a logo that was thrown into the air.”
Misplaced Modifiers:
- Unclear: “Running quickly, the fence was too high to jump over.”
- Clearer: “Running quickly, he found the fence too high to jump over.”
Pronouns without Clear Antecedents:
- Unclear: “When Jane and Linda arrived, she opened the door.”
- Clearer: “When Jane and Linda arrived, Jane opened the door.”